A Criminal's Defence and Demands


--A Parody with Absolutely No Apology



by Zhang Donglin

Listen, You People of the Outside World:

I am a convicted rapist, robber, and murderer.* After being sentenced to life imprisonment, my family suffered from all kinds of mental and physical distresses. So, I am a victim of the rape and murder cases.

I strongly oppose to the law reinforcement that caused the sufferings of my family and myself. The legal system has always been hostile to us and it is in fact their hostility that pushed me to commit rape and murder. It is the fault of the system and it is its responsibility. I am innocent.

But the sufferings of my victims are different stories. Yes, I killed and I raped but it is not my fault. When I "entered" my neighbours' houses, they resisted fiercely. I was enraged by their resistance so I killed the men and raped their women.** They shouldn't have resisted. Their resistance meant that they deserved to be killed and raped. (By the way, rape always happens during robbery and murder therefore should not be specifically recorded in my verdict.)

Furthermore, my intention of the killing and raping is good and lofty. I "enter" my neighbours' houses in good will to protect them from other neighbours. To protect them, I need their money and food. I need their women to "comfort" me too. Unfortunately, most of them are just too damn stupid to understand my noble goal and I have to use force. I sacrificed myself for my neighbours like Jesus Christ but I am misunderstood. I am a martyr. I am a victim. You should not accuse me of what I did.

Since my intention is good, all the charges against me should be dropped. We should focus on our sufferings: how terrible they are and how unjust and unfair the legal institutions are. The legal system should feel guilty about our sufferings. All who resisted me should feel guilty too. I deserve an apology from the legal system and indeed, from those who were slaughtered and raped by me.

Situations have changed greatly. Now the legal system is crumbling. I am out of jail and I am rich. (Thanks God my victims didn't ask me for compensation. I will never pay anyway.) I can say No to the legal system. I should say No and I can again say No! And No, No, No, No, No!!!

Let's face the new situations. Let's be realistic. It is time to reverse/re-write the verdicts of my cases. It is time for a new social order. (Doesn't the legal system need my money? Then put me to the position of Police Comminsioner and apologize to me!)

May my justice prevail, forever. Banzai!

Uchi Maruyaro

PS. I forbid any attempt to interfere the history education of my children. It is a voilation of my rights. It is an infringement of my privacy. I have the right to teach them to feel no guilt of the past so they can relentlessly kill and rape for a future noble course as I did. I have the right to teach my children to be proud of me and respect our glorious tradition.

Note 1

The verdicts are actually unjust and plain wrong because I do not have enough food and money and I have the right to rob and kill.

Note 2

** This same reason cannot be used to justify what the legal system has done against my family and me. Why? Because we are the victims. Furhtermore, logical reasoning is not applicable to my case. Logic is an invention by the system, of the system, and for the system but not for me. To understand that I am right and always right, you have to think as I think and follow the way of Zen: once you are trapped in a logical impasse, just give yourself up and embrace it. You will then reach a state of joy and freedom, a sudden enlightenment, and will be able to understand everything I want you to. Justice and righteousness can then be on your side, as always. This is how we can talk about "honour" without blinking an eye. For further information and instructions, please read my Zen and History Revisionism.

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